“I saw that you were perfect, and so I loved you. Then I saw that you were not perfect and I loved you even more.” – Angelita Lim
When we start a relationship of any form we are on our best behavior, toning down aspects of ourselves to not overwhelm others. This might be downplaying your fascination with pirates, or toning down your political beliefs, or not bashing that certain musical style that you abhor.
And the other side is doing the same thing.
After being recruited (essentially a series of first and second dates), and the offer is made and accepted, then you start to see and question some of the issues with the company like the variable standards of performance or the inconsistent follow-through. This is like finding out your girlfriend has an undisclosed abuse issue or that your fiancé had a bankruptcy.
And this is the weird thing: we will love them more because of the flaws as opposed to in spite of them.
The company that gives people a second chance and some flexibility around responsibilities because of the empathy of the leadership. As long as performance is still important, the humanized nature of this workplace makes it a more warm and loyal environment that can nurture more success long-term by being willing to give up some short term profit.
The formerly abused person may hide it out of shame (much like the bankruptcy) and both are a chance to look deeper into the person and help them heal, to see their underlying strength and resilience and appreciate them more for the challenges they have overcome. An opportunity to love them not in their perfection but in their weaknesses that create greater strengths.
Perfection is an illusion, and the realness of the individual allows us to truly love another.