“Allow me to help you.” -Dr. Steven Strange
We can not help those who will not let us help them.
The first step in almost all 12-Step programs is for the person to admit they need help, to ask for assistance. If they remain in denial about the situation, about harming themselves, then no one can help them because even if they are destroying themselves and those around them they do not see it as a problem and as such there is nothing to fix.
We can reach out a helping hand to those in pain or in need, but they need to reach for us and take the proffered hand. If they slap it away, no matter how much they are floundering and hurting and harming themselves, we can not do anything more for them because in their confusion and delusion they will see our assistance as an attack. Not until they have a moment of clarity and understanding of the damage they are wreaking can we help them. Until then we can just offer and wait, hoping they let us help.